.Flowers on Frames, Dots on end.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

i feel....

1. pathetic.
Maybe peer presure. maybe misunderstood.

2. mixed.
Elena.

3. stressed
Assignment deadlines are DEAD near.

4. in a hole. DEEP hole.
i want to climb out, but somehow the solitude feels comfortable too. away from the world's harshness. away from the pressures of expectations, the pressures of comformity.

5. contridicted.
how tough it is to laugh when u are feeling all cooped just to try to sound ok. right joo?

Feelings that kill, drain, tire people till hair seems to fall out...

Talking about hair... i met a sweet sweet girl today.. ( i dont want to mention the name)
i saw her at the pasar malam!!! so anyway i was inappropriately dressed... so being the shy girl i am, i ran upstairs to change into something proper, grabbed stacy and ran down hoping to find the family....i was walking the WHOLE pasar malam and praying to God that i will bump into them and to lead me in the right direction. i was hot and tired and on the brink of giving up so as i was turning into my place, I SAW THEM!!!!!!

THANK GOD... this goes to show prayer does work, and that God is good and peserverance does help alot... she was wearing those cute pink sun hats, seeing her, i felt... i really dunno how i felt.. i felt happy that she was healthy, i felt sad because of all the pain she went through.. for those who know.. she wears that hat for a reason. and it just hurts to see someone so innocent go through all the sterotyping, all the cynicism, all the eyes of pity... ok i really dunno but seeing the family, it kinda tells me how strong people are actually, and that sad and unfair things may come their way, by standing together they did wonders.

i asked how is she, her mom said she's ok already... but the mom and dad i could somehow read that the path of getting to where their daughter is now was a tough road to walk... but im so happy for them, as in i could tell they were much stronger.
remembering the hospital, it was just, heart breaking, soul wrenching.. seeing her was like, instantly you are being crushed so hard that life is not all that fine and dandy, your insides just raging.. filled with sadness and anger of why she has to go through this.

the sweet girl however was super cheerful now and she remembers me as her teacher!!! yay! i was so happy to see her smiling!!! the smile just took away everything that was on my shoulders. if she could smile with all her heart after going through so much... what more of us healthy people... in fact the strongest people arent us adults or strong muscular fit wise intellectual rich full grown people, but the children. no wonder we are to have child like faith. no wonder Jesus loves the little children. they may cry when they fall, but they smile over every trial. adults dont. adults just become depressed or critical or mean after every trial. its so different.

upon seeing her... i feel that now... i should just stand up, smile with the fullness of heart though many things bring me down, and have the faith of a child that everything is in God's hands and that i'll be fine. If she could smile, laugh with all that she's got, i think everyone can too, no matter how long and winding and painful the road ahead may be.

Let go and let God. Child like faith. :)
just keep smiling, just keep smiling.

Amen.

Adieu 10:11 PM***

HEY-YA

You can never rise up higher
Than when you stoop down
To help a child.

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