Sunday, October 29, 2006
im not ever, ever, going to live for myself anymore..
no more selfish ambition. no more struggles of my own, no more hurts.
im living for others.
period.
Even if it takes not getting married, not having a family... im living for others.
my studies, my job, will be for children..
my ministry, talent, whatever, will be for the sick.
and thats that.
i totally dont mind being a lovely, successful bachelorette, running around the hospital with my white doctor's coat.
:)
..................................
im really really ok.. hahaha.. its just a new resolution, to help myself, and to help others..
and it feels much better to make others smile.
love ya all!
Adieu 12:21 AM***
no more selfish ambition. no more struggles of my own, no more hurts.
im living for others.
period.
Even if it takes not getting married, not having a family... im living for others.
my studies, my job, will be for children..
my ministry, talent, whatever, will be for the sick.
and thats that.
i totally dont mind being a lovely, successful bachelorette, running around the hospital with my white doctor's coat.
:)
..................................
im really really ok.. hahaha.. its just a new resolution, to help myself, and to help others..
and it feels much better to make others smile.
love ya all!
Friday, October 27, 2006
For the only lovely person who can read my mind:
of course we will be.... forever and ever. even till death, we wont part.
like the way you can read my mind, and say the same stuff...
the same way, i know why.. somehow..
i know how it feels to say that last goodbye...
.................................
The thing i fear most has come.
and now i regret, with my life. i sincerly do. i regret not being there, i regret not listening, i regret not bothering, i regret not giving more...
...................................
There were so many signs.. and i had to be selfish, i had to sink into my own problems, i had to dwell in my own brain, i had to waste my time away... rather than...
if only i could...
if only i did..
if only....
but i didnt.
i hate regret. i really do.
Adieu 11:32 PM***
of course we will be.... forever and ever. even till death, we wont part.
like the way you can read my mind, and say the same stuff...
the same way, i know why.. somehow..
i know how it feels to say that last goodbye...
.................................
The thing i fear most has come.
and now i regret, with my life. i sincerly do. i regret not being there, i regret not listening, i regret not bothering, i regret not giving more...
...................................
There were so many signs.. and i had to be selfish, i had to sink into my own problems, i had to dwell in my own brain, i had to waste my time away... rather than...
if only i could...
if only i did..
if only....
but i didnt.
i hate regret. i really do.
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
take it, take it from me
-Carrie Underwood-
thanks for the song. it helped. a whole lot. u left something to heal, ironically.
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
take it, take it from me
-Carrie Underwood-
thanks for the song. it helped. a whole lot. u left something to heal, ironically.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Lets see.. its 4:50 am and im still awake... MUGGING. oh help.
Me and Amanda Chen have been studying and studying and studying..
forever and forever.
And still studying.. im taking a breather here..
im brain dead.
Stacy's nicely cuddled on my soft sun flower quilt.
A Dog's Life i must say.
While we sit on hard wooden chairs and face textbooks,
filled with micro mini serif words making it excruciatingly painful to read,
sucking in all sorts of jargon in enormous proportions.
I love to study my life away.
White doctor's coat, running busily around the hospital, here i come!
Sunday, October 22, 2006
"Where man is concern,
There is nothing without a rule book, including love. "
Saturday, October 21, 2006
i am not a child now,
i can take care of myself,
i musnt let them down now,
musnt let them see my cry,
im fine im fine
im too tired to listen,
im to old to believe,
all these childish stories,
there is no such thing as
faith and trust and pixie dust.
i try,
but its so hard to believe,
i try,
but i cant see where you see,
i try i try i try
my whole world is changing,
i dunno where to turn,
i cant leave you waiting,
i cant stay and watch the city burn,
watch it burn
i try,
but its so hard to believe,
i try,
but i cant see what you see,
i try , i try , i try and try to understand
the distance in between,
the love i feel
the things i fear
and every single dream
I can finally see it,
now i have to believe it,
all those precious stories
on how the world is made of
faith and trust and pixie dust
so i'll try cos i finally believe,
i'll try cos i can see where u see,
i'll try i'll try i'll try... i'll try..
It hurts.. so bad.. but i'll try.
Friday, October 20, 2006
.... Your wry remarks, your act of indicting, your melodramatic lamentation, your ding-a-ling disposition, spells detriment to my soul .....
lovely isnt it.
:)
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Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Cognitive Dissonance
-People read only what they wanna read, people see only what they wanna see.
stab me, kill me, good deeds arent remembered, even when remembered, its tarnished, or basically, it means zero, it means nothing.
i wanna fly. i hope to fly.
and if im flying, im flying real soon.
Helloooo on-campus life, hello independence, hello perseverance, hello trails and tribulations, hello test of faith, and hello to my dreams and visions.
goodbye sorrow, goodbye past, goodbye to everything bad.
And if i can go and come back, im 100 steps nearer to my dream..
-People read only what they wanna read, people see only what they wanna see.
stab me, kill me, good deeds arent remembered, even when remembered, its tarnished, or basically, it means zero, it means nothing.
i wanna fly. i hope to fly.
and if im flying, im flying real soon.
Helloooo on-campus life, hello independence, hello perseverance, hello trails and tribulations, hello test of faith, and hello to my dreams and visions.
goodbye sorrow, goodbye past, goodbye to everything bad.
And if i can go and come back, im 100 steps nearer to my dream..
HELLO CHILDREN!!!
Daddy help me...
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
I remember mama said
You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
Well, it's a game of give and take
You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
Just trust in a good time
No matter how long it takes, now break!
-Phil Collins-
This song gets me jumpin! :D its so retro-y nice and happy!
Saturday, October 14, 2006
HOW DO U RESSURECT A PEN?!!?!??!!??! HOW HOW HOW!?!?!?!?!
IM SO FRUSTRATED!!!!! URGH!!!!
I WANNA KILL THIS PEN.
PENS DONT LIKE ME AND I DONT LIKE PENS.
U DROP ONE ON THE FLOOR AND THERE IT GOES. IT JUST GOES INKLESS. HOW PATHETIC IS THAT!!!
IM SO FRUSTRATED!!!!! URGH!!!!
I WANNA KILL THIS PEN.
PENS DONT LIKE ME AND I DONT LIKE PENS.
U DROP ONE ON THE FLOOR AND THERE IT GOES. IT JUST GOES INKLESS. HOW PATHETIC IS THAT!!!
HOLDING IT OVER THE FIRE DIDNT WORK EITHER.
I FEEL LIKE CLAWING ON A BLACK BOARD. *growls*
PENS! *rolls eyes*
PENS! *rolls eyes*
Never smile at a crocodile,
no you cant get friendly with a crocodile,
dont be taking in by his welcome grin,
he's imagining how well you'd fit within his skin.
Never smile at a crocodile
never tip your hat and stop to talk a while
never run, walk away, say goodnight not good day
clearly i will never smile at mr crocodile.
you may very well be well bred,
lots of etiquette in your head,
but there's always some special case time of place
to forget etiquette.
dont be rude, never mock,
throw a kiss, not a rock,
Clearly i will never smile at mr crocodile.
i just happen to love this stupidly cute song. :):):):):)
i realised that "dont make me lie to you" is the new catch phrase... thanks to prison break.. Its so awesomely wise to come up with it when u dont wanna tell the truth.. hahahahaaa!
Anyhows, cell group just ended, and it was about fulfilling your purpose in life and everything... ya da ya da... then..... it occured to me that of course im a far cry from my purpose if u ask me.. and ive been thinking, and also it dawned upon me i've taken so many things for granted... the people around me, people that i sincerly treasure, then of course God.
i remember the first time i recieved tongues, i was so afraid i might loose it the next morning. it was so exciting and crazily amazed if u ask me... but now, its like, almost like i dont need to treasure it.. i wouldnt think "what happens if i loose it".. and yeah what happens if its just gone the next morning.. i'll be so devastated that i didnt treausre it as time passed..
and if yeah.. what if all my friends are just gone, id regret that the last thing i didnt let them know is that i truly loved them and i sincerly treasure them. People dont think "what if i loose my loved ones", people just think "i'll always see my friends the next day" or "they'll always be around to meet up".. but just what if... id live to regret i didnt treasure every single moment, or didnt try to love them more... my family especially.
i also realised.. people dont remember good times, people only remember bad times, bad points of others... and its so sad... perhaps its a defence mechanism in people, to protect themselves from further hurt... but it kinda stinks that if that is the case, humans live their lives remembering bad stuff, and good memories just fade away, if not people dont take into account the goodness of others..
Very so often, we start out lovely with people, having good memories of fun and enjoyment, and of love, friendship love... then when something bad happens, no one takes into account the previous goodness that the person may carry, might not even remember the fun times, even if fun times are remembered, the true enjoyment of that memory is tarnished... even when forgiveness is given, that bad bad memory will just naturally block out other lovely memories... then people just live their lives, carrying tarnished good memories.. which is so sad...
But then again, every one has their own sad story, and people make mistakes. some times i myself judge people as "evil, mean, heartless, proud.." and all the other ugly vocabulary on character, but THAT evil person i judge, carries his or her own story to tell, has their own families, their own sadness, their own hope for the future, just like me, just like everyone else...
no one sees other people's lives.. no one enters other people's bubble.. no one truly steps in to feel how others feel.. the sadness, the guilt, the reasons why people make mistakes or make the wrong moves.. no one basically tries to enter the realm of others... we can try to understand, but entering into the person's universe is so much different.
to see what others see, how they see it, and their past, their history and what ever that contributed to make them what they are.. no one sees, no one bothers to reason.. and truly, no one tries to see the goodness of every individual. people only see/rememebr the mistakes, no one sees the reasons for the mistake.
Example: a murderer will be seen as cruel, but perhaps that individual had demented parents? a torturous past? no one showed him kindness, no one thought him right from wrong.. then is it fair to that murderer, that people call him cruel. im not saying a murderer can be excused for his deeds, but perhaps because others didnt pour love into his life like they should, and he has to reap the the evil that others sowed into his life.. how fair is that?
i wanna step into other people's silent bubble, a world no one really shares... no one really tries to explain, and understand reasons why people make mistakes, wrong choices, that hearts become hardened, and soften those hearts... yeah.. and truly feel joy and sadness with others.. to see the world as other people see... i wanna see other people's universe,
no you cant get friendly with a crocodile,
dont be taking in by his welcome grin,
he's imagining how well you'd fit within his skin.
Never smile at a crocodile
never tip your hat and stop to talk a while
never run, walk away, say goodnight not good day
clearly i will never smile at mr crocodile.
you may very well be well bred,
lots of etiquette in your head,
but there's always some special case time of place
to forget etiquette.
dont be rude, never mock,
throw a kiss, not a rock,
Clearly i will never smile at mr crocodile.
i just happen to love this stupidly cute song. :):):):):)
i realised that "dont make me lie to you" is the new catch phrase... thanks to prison break.. Its so awesomely wise to come up with it when u dont wanna tell the truth.. hahahahaaa!
Anyhows, cell group just ended, and it was about fulfilling your purpose in life and everything... ya da ya da... then..... it occured to me that of course im a far cry from my purpose if u ask me.. and ive been thinking, and also it dawned upon me i've taken so many things for granted... the people around me, people that i sincerly treasure, then of course God.
i remember the first time i recieved tongues, i was so afraid i might loose it the next morning. it was so exciting and crazily amazed if u ask me... but now, its like, almost like i dont need to treasure it.. i wouldnt think "what happens if i loose it".. and yeah what happens if its just gone the next morning.. i'll be so devastated that i didnt treausre it as time passed..
and if yeah.. what if all my friends are just gone, id regret that the last thing i didnt let them know is that i truly loved them and i sincerly treasure them. People dont think "what if i loose my loved ones", people just think "i'll always see my friends the next day" or "they'll always be around to meet up".. but just what if... id live to regret i didnt treasure every single moment, or didnt try to love them more... my family especially.
i also realised.. people dont remember good times, people only remember bad times, bad points of others... and its so sad... perhaps its a defence mechanism in people, to protect themselves from further hurt... but it kinda stinks that if that is the case, humans live their lives remembering bad stuff, and good memories just fade away, if not people dont take into account the goodness of others..
Very so often, we start out lovely with people, having good memories of fun and enjoyment, and of love, friendship love... then when something bad happens, no one takes into account the previous goodness that the person may carry, might not even remember the fun times, even if fun times are remembered, the true enjoyment of that memory is tarnished... even when forgiveness is given, that bad bad memory will just naturally block out other lovely memories... then people just live their lives, carrying tarnished good memories.. which is so sad...
But then again, every one has their own sad story, and people make mistakes. some times i myself judge people as "evil, mean, heartless, proud.." and all the other ugly vocabulary on character, but THAT evil person i judge, carries his or her own story to tell, has their own families, their own sadness, their own hope for the future, just like me, just like everyone else...
no one sees other people's lives.. no one enters other people's bubble.. no one truly steps in to feel how others feel.. the sadness, the guilt, the reasons why people make mistakes or make the wrong moves.. no one basically tries to enter the realm of others... we can try to understand, but entering into the person's universe is so much different.
to see what others see, how they see it, and their past, their history and what ever that contributed to make them what they are.. no one sees, no one bothers to reason.. and truly, no one tries to see the goodness of every individual. people only see/rememebr the mistakes, no one sees the reasons for the mistake.
Example: a murderer will be seen as cruel, but perhaps that individual had demented parents? a torturous past? no one showed him kindness, no one thought him right from wrong.. then is it fair to that murderer, that people call him cruel. im not saying a murderer can be excused for his deeds, but perhaps because others didnt pour love into his life like they should, and he has to reap the the evil that others sowed into his life.. how fair is that?
i wanna step into other people's silent bubble, a world no one really shares... no one really tries to explain, and understand reasons why people make mistakes, wrong choices, that hearts become hardened, and soften those hearts... yeah.. and truly feel joy and sadness with others.. to see the world as other people see... i wanna see other people's universe,
and help them..
MAYBE I SHOULD TAKE CRIMINAL PSYCHOLOGY!! OMGOODNESS! PERHAPS!
Friday, October 13, 2006
yay! ive changed my blog skin...
it looks weird... at the same time i like it weird...
so i have no idea whether its good or not... sheesh..
i know its difficult to read.. thats for sure.. but i like it to be difficult to read.. i dunno why..
hahaha.. and it really really really took me real long to figure how to do this background..
thus maybe thats why i insist on saying its nice. yes. IT IS NICE ... :D
it looks weird... at the same time i like it weird...
so i have no idea whether its good or not... sheesh..
i know its difficult to read.. thats for sure.. but i like it to be difficult to read.. i dunno why..
hahaha.. and it really really really took me real long to figure how to do this background..
thus maybe thats why i insist on saying its nice. yes. IT IS NICE ... :D
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
BOTANIC PICS ARE UP ON MULTIPLY!!!
------------------------
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTOPHER!!!! and the burger is OMGOODNESS, HUGE.
New York New York is like THEEE new hang out place or something... but their food is way AWESOME!!! hope u enjoyed yourself BDAY boy...
Chris to sales lady in bikini shop.....
Chris (holding a bikini): Excuse me, may I try this?
Sales lady: oh the size is medium.
mel, jas, baoting: -_-
Not exactly what we thought would happen if chris wanted to try on a bikini. anyways chris, u were just LUCKY.
And then random pics of my forever friend, forever love, forever and ever.
And then, i colored my hair AGAIN. this time, its staying black, like stacy. forever and ever.
SEE.. BLACK!!
:)
Life's been good, God's good, everything is good! i love my life... for now, haha... i never get to stand at the top of the mountain for long... and i can see my statistics assignment waiting for me in the dark valley.... urgh...
OH OH, and amazingly, shopping at OG is real nice! the promotions are like WAY GOOD!!! the OG beside meridian hotel i think... my mom went in to pee, and came out spending 100 bucks on a gazillion CLOTHES and items, mostly for me, heh heh aint i blessed.. and according to mom, she says peeing cost her 100 bucks. its like there are super good deals, and the stuff's like not those ulu ulu brands, but really good BRANDS!!!!
I LOVE OG. as auntie as i may sound, i dont care. I LOVE OG. im hanging out at OG more.
ISNT SHE THE SWEETEST CUTEST MOST ADORABLY ADORBLE BABY PUPPY UVE EVER SEEN!?!?!!?
YES SHE IS!!!! YAY!
and im nuts. i just love her.
love ya'll too!
Adieu 1:10 AM***
------------------------
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTOPHER!!!! and the burger is OMGOODNESS, HUGE.
New York New York is like THEEE new hang out place or something... but their food is way AWESOME!!! hope u enjoyed yourself BDAY boy...
Chris to sales lady in bikini shop.....
Chris (holding a bikini): Excuse me, may I try this?
Sales lady: oh the size is medium.
mel, jas, baoting: -_-
Not exactly what we thought would happen if chris wanted to try on a bikini. anyways chris, u were just LUCKY.
And then random pics of my forever friend, forever love, forever and ever.
And then, i colored my hair AGAIN. this time, its staying black, like stacy. forever and ever.
SEE.. BLACK!!
:)
Life's been good, God's good, everything is good! i love my life... for now, haha... i never get to stand at the top of the mountain for long... and i can see my statistics assignment waiting for me in the dark valley.... urgh...
OH OH, and amazingly, shopping at OG is real nice! the promotions are like WAY GOOD!!! the OG beside meridian hotel i think... my mom went in to pee, and came out spending 100 bucks on a gazillion CLOTHES and items, mostly for me, heh heh aint i blessed.. and according to mom, she says peeing cost her 100 bucks. its like there are super good deals, and the stuff's like not those ulu ulu brands, but really good BRANDS!!!!
I LOVE OG. as auntie as i may sound, i dont care. I LOVE OG. im hanging out at OG more.
ISNT SHE THE SWEETEST CUTEST MOST ADORABLY ADORBLE BABY PUPPY UVE EVER SEEN!?!?!!?
YES SHE IS!!!! YAY!
and im nuts. i just love her.
love ya'll too!
Monday, October 09, 2006
ok.. i'll keep this short, sweet and simple.
one day... we went to botanic gardens......
To celebrate tita's birthday!!! yay!
Then the birthday girl got caught in the act for stealing precious herbs.
Not being able to face the world cos of tita's naughty deed.... my mom decided to walk around not showing her face.
(bao jie... this is your AH YEEE... MUAHAHAHAHAA)
Then realising she cant walk properly without clear vison, she decided to pretend she's a grass cutter. (see her head gear)
While mommy was pretending to be a grass cutter... i decided to take on the role of pampered greek princess.
....
Finally... we were all tired out from "role play" and decided to have some fun in a cave with water.
And TA DA! thats the end of my story... :D
of course there's more embarrassing pictures of my crazy family.. i'll upload them to multiply ASAP.
Adieu 6:34 PM***
one day... we went to botanic gardens......
To celebrate tita's birthday!!! yay!
Then the birthday girl got caught in the act for stealing precious herbs.
Not being able to face the world cos of tita's naughty deed.... my mom decided to walk around not showing her face.
(bao jie... this is your AH YEEE... MUAHAHAHAHAA)
Then realising she cant walk properly without clear vison, she decided to pretend she's a grass cutter. (see her head gear)
While mommy was pretending to be a grass cutter... i decided to take on the role of pampered greek princess.
....
Finally... we were all tired out from "role play" and decided to have some fun in a cave with water.
And TA DA! thats the end of my story... :D
of course there's more embarrassing pictures of my crazy family.. i'll upload them to multiply ASAP.
